When I die, do not despair. As long as Love lives, I’ll be with you. Go to the garden and listen for me in the flowing of wind through the treetops. Look for me in the rippling of water, and the play of light upon shadow. Taste my essense in the blackberry and clover. Feast upon wild food. I will be with you, and with more love than ever before. Do not despair. And if there be sorrow at my parting, let your sorrow free. Share it with God. Share it with a friend or a notebook, if you must. And once you’ve poured out your sadness, rejoice in the love still communicated to you, even despite my parting. Know that I am in God-Love, free from complication, pure Agape.

Malachi woke up to the crisp air kissing his nose and the cold dew in his hair. He breathed in a deep breath of life and smiled so wide with gratitude for this incredible opportunity to live. These overwhelming feelings of ecstasy was enough for him to forget to take his CBD medication that morning. He was on a school camping trip with his HSU professor and fellow students. Malachi’s first trip like it, his epilepsy limited his availability to travel. They were exploring terrain right next to Mount Shasta. Though we always asked Malachi to let people know where he was going and try not to be alone too much. He loved being alone. That was when he felt most at home with Source. Connected to himself on the deepest levels through spirit in nature was his favorite place to be. He ventured off into the woods and found himself by a fast moving creek. I can only imagine him singing with his arms spread wide open, prayers full of gratitude for his glorious existence. For when they found him dead in the two feet deep waters, he was face down right next to the edge. If he had fallen any other way, he would have been fine, but he fell straight forward and drowned to his final death. 

Though tragic and very painful this story is, I would like to tell you about the beauty of it. 
When Malachi was 16 months old, he ventured out into the yard at my grandparents house in Southern California. My parents were both 23 years old and my mother was pregnant with my older brother, Josiah. When she noticed Malachi was missing, the whole property went up in chaos looking for him. All the family, friends and workers were looking all over a 3 acre parcel. After about fifteen minutes of this, my moms only brother, uncle Jeff found Malachi dead in the fish pond. I can only imagine how my parents, who were still kids themselves, felt seeing their first born son dangling from Jeff’s arms. In shock and horror. Jeff prayed for one of the only times of his life. “Dear God Help Me”
 He describes the memory as:
“I blacked out, and performed CPR on baby Malachi for what seemed like hours but was about five minutes. Though I had only ever taken a CPR class on adults.” 
My mom felt as though she heard a voice at the end of a tunnel. Slowly coming closer until Malachi’s eyes opened and his breath came back. This is where the epilepsy began in Malachi’s brain. As an infant this head trauma caused lack of efficient brain cells

So Malachi drowned as an infant and then drowned again as an adult.

My mother and father were both 22 years of age when he was born. 

Malachi was 22 years of age when he died.

 He died on April 22. He died on Earth day.

He died near Mt. Shasta. The Root Chakra of the Earth.

His middle name is Freedom.

He died in the essence of Freedom. 

My brother was a very special man. He lived a short/simple but impactful and inspiring life. He was the most happy human I’ve ever encountered. He was truly happy. Deep to his bones and beyond. He proved this by never needing or desiring anything to feel this happiness. He got ecstasy from

 the leaves of the trees

the sand beneath his feet

the cold air on his naked body as he danced around the secluded redwoods

the piano keys beneath his fingers

the way the words showed up on a page from mind to physical

the way the babies eyes shone bright galaxies of intimate beauty looking up at him

the way the ice cold water awoke all cells in his body

the simplicity of the earth between his toes

the abundance of love for his family and all of humanity.
 

I believe that he was taken to another world as an infant, told of what his purpose was on earth and sent back to share his medicine with us. Knowing that he would be needed else where shortly. He literally touched the heavens and then lived his life Knowing. Every moment was lived in full intention and recognition. Every time he hugged someone he would do it with so much intention it was like it was the last time he ever would. Every time he spoke it was straight from his truth. He left us piles and piles of notebooks full of his writings, poems and songs he wrote. He left us with many cards and letters. He gifted the world with so much of his strength and wisdom. It’s quite beautiful.

Malachi knew. Subconsciously, yes, but he knew. He wrote poems and songs of death quite often. He even wrote about how to feel after he was gone. He was so comfortable with the idea of dying and he actually was excited for it. He was longing for more. He saw past the unfulfilling desires that consumes our species and he knew there was so much more out there for him. For us all.

After he passed many people came to us, to share stories of how he impacted their lives. People he met on the bus, at university, at church, on a walk.

Many young people spoke of him really changing them, at his memorial on campus. They told stories of the quirky things he did in class, the interesting questions he would ask and the how he would show up for them in a self sacrificing way. Professors and teachers spoke of how Malachi always wanted to know more, sometimes even questioning their facts yet he was such an exciting student to have. There are endless stories of people who have told us that their lives changed in so many ways from encountering Malachi and from experiencing his death. What an absolute honor it has been for us all to know him. If you didn’t get the chance to know him while he lived on Earth, don’t worry. For you may know him now.

Physical Form vs Spiritual Soul

Malachi lived what would seem to a lot of people, as a very limited life. His physical body need so much care that he had strict times of going to sleep, taking his medication, eating properly, staying away from fast paste settings. There were a lot of things that could trigger a seizure in him. He was

Delicate.

Precious.

Frigile.

Because of this he was not capable of doing many “exciting” activities. Such as travel, shows, parties, etc. But Malachi didn’t want any of that. he never desired to get fulfillment from things he could see was so temporary. In his 22 years of living, he never once got drunk, never had sex, never did drugs, never said a bad word, never had a girlfriend and so on. Yet he was to his core infinitely happy. Truly. Deeply. Righteously. Happy. He found pleasure in the simple things in life. The soft and gentle blessings. The simple yet complex labyrinths of this dimension. He was always learning and unraveling the web’s of humanity. We can all learn so much from his example. To be more

Present

Aware

Mindful

Grateful

We can all learn to let go of petty and hold onto Truth.

My Understanding

This experience has shaped me in ways I will forever be grateful for. I learned so much from Malachi and I continue to. My relationship to death is really positive. He has shown me the beauty and comfort in it all. I am able to understand the cycles of this life and how we truly all have purpose that is unique and vital in the evolution of humanity and consciousness. Sometimes our purpose includes only living to be 22 and sometimes dying is a part of that purpose, because through death we are able to see more clear. We are forced to stop living in the past and future and be strikingly present. To forgive, let go and hold space for what truly matters in our lives. This experience has taught me to value the little things. Stay on track and let little distractions / temptations in my vision. To treat people like it could be the last time you see them. To stay connected to Spirit even in the darkest times and to live
Freely

Fully

Forgiving

I want to live this life to it’s absolute fullest. To leave footprints all over the world. To build communities and spread light/love/purpose. I want to do all the things Malachi can’t do, to honor him in all moments, allowing him to live through. Allowing him to get to experience all the things that his physical body limited him of. And I want to make him proud.